Queens of the Underworld, Greek God Dating App- Apollo

Name: Apollo

Parents: Zues and Leto

God of archery, music and dance, truth and prophecy, healing and diseases, the Sun and light, poetry, and more but I don’t want to brag.

Voted Most Beautiful Male-ever for a thousand years. No one can beat my record!

Loves: Sex, Me, Wine.

Hates: Hera for what she did to my mother. Just because Hera was jealous of my mother was no reason to send a dragon to pursue Leto over the whole world. Nobody would accept the pregnant Titaness, except for the island of Delos, where mom first delivered my twin sis, Artemis, while balancing her body on a freaking olive branch. I killed the dragon four days later at the oracle of Delphi then claimed it as my own. Screw Themis, she didn’t deserve it.

Hates: Demanding women, demanding men. You’re responsible for your own pleasure, just give me mine.

Wants: Worship, wine, sex, male, female, fae, nymph-would like a centaur. Groups preferable.

Doesn’t want: A yammering imbecile. I don’t care what your gown looks like, take it off and shut up.

Past Relationships: Fell in love with Coronis but she betrayed me while pregnant with my own son! I had my sister send a plague then fell with her arrows onto the land of Coronis taking many humans as well as my cheating girlfriend-and no, it matters not that I was having an affair with three sisters at the time. That’s not the point. She cheated on me! Coronis died but I saved my son. I gave him to Chiron-the dude with the tail-to raise for me.

Marpessa. I opened my heart once again to the lovely Marpessa but her lover claimed her after going through hell. He had the audacity to threaten me while I laid my heart open. My father intervened saving the idiot from death but Marpessa chose him because she feared I wouldn’t love her when she got old and shriveled. I wouldn’t have-who wants that? I’ll be beautiful forever I need someone youthful and fresh-weekly.

I fell in love with the nymph Daphne but she had vowed to Artemis to remain eternally innocent. Who wants to be a virgin forever? I should have known she wasn’t good enough for me. She asked her father, the river god Peneus, to transform her into something else. to get away from me! And just as I was about to embrace her, she was turned into a laurel tree. I swore to love her forever and, ever since, I wear a laurel wreath as a token of my unhappy love. Yeah, I took that off.

Loved the human man, Hyacinthus but he had his own admirer who killed my beloved Hyacinthus while we were throwing discus on the playing field. Hyacinthus hit himself in the head and died in my arms. I named a flower after him.

Enough of that crap. Who’s up for some Apollo worship?

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