I’m going to start today introducing you to the gods that are mentioned in the Queens of the Underworld, my new series coming out next year starting with the Realm of Darkness Anthology.
So, let’s get started with god numero uno, the character of Zeus, and his dating app profile.
Join my Facebook Group, Queens of the Underworld Dating App so we can discuss! And get more phone convos!
Zeus, King of the Gods, Dating Profile
Name: Zeus, King of the Gods. Supreme ruler. Worship me.
Parents: Cronus King of the Titans and Rhea. But Cronus tried to eat me, so I overthrew him.
Lives: On Olympus in a palace.
Looking for: Sex
Doesn’t want: No sex. Talking. Cuddling.
Previous Relationships– Married Metis, but I had to eat her so that she wouldn’t have a child. But after I tricked her into turning into a fly and ate her, she tricked me and grew her child inside of my brain. Hephaestus, the god of the forge split my head open and out popped Athena.
Married Themis- Didn’t last long, she expected me to live by rules. Had a few kids.
Married Hera- still married- Have kids. She’s jealous, so watch out for her. She has a tendency to kill my side girls.
Likes besides sex: Tormenting humans. It’s fun.
Special Powers: I am the most powerful god on Olympus. I’m sure you’ve heard of me. I can control the weather, lightning is my weapon of choice but I can also turn myself into anything I want- and you too.
How have you wooed past loves? I’ve turned myself into an Ant, Eagle, Swan, Satyr (a man with ears and a tail of a horse) a bull, a cuckoo bird, golden rain, and a dragon to have sex with women. I can be anything you want, as long as we have sex.
How have past women wooed you? By being. Has to be beautiful. Virgins who are ripe for the plucking are my favorite.
Sexual Orientation– Any. I prefer MMMM/FFFF relationships but I’m open to any that will satisfy me.
I will take what I want, and who I want. Do not hide from me.
Must be into anything that pleases me. Looking for short-term hookups so my wife doesn’t find out. But, if she does, be ready to run or die. Probably death, but it will be worth it. One night of sex with me and you’ll have your greatest wish granted by my penis.
My body was made to be worshiped, and I will demand that of you. I want satisfaction. Give it to me. Now.
Tell us a bit about yourself.
Women want me. Men want to be me.
Favorite Movies? Anything about me and the Terminator series- Arnold reminded me of myself but he never had sex, so he’s second to me of course.
Favorite Place: Mount Olympus-but you can’t come there. My wife’s usually home.
Favorite Song: I Can’t Get No Satisfaction. True story. I’m insatiable.
Any other thoughts? Come naked and be prepared. I like toys too, so have them ready to go. Entertain me. Then leave. I have other people on my list or I might just kill you.
Short stories about Zeus and his transformations for sex.
The first time Zeus seduced Persephone, the goddess of spring, he did so in the form of a serpentine dragon. She bore him a son, the god Zagreos, who was the first instantiation of Dionysus.
And yes, I said the first time.
Now, we are going super odd….
Zeus-as an ANT…
Zeus made himself as small as he could and transformed into an ant in order to have sex with Eurymedousa, a princess in northern Greece. Their son was Myrmidon (“ant-man”) and was the progenitor of the race of warriors that Achilles commanded in The Iliad.
So, you gotta ask yourself… did she even know? And nope, not going into how did that one work either.
Zeus liked to take the form of absent husbands in order to have sex with other men’s wives. One man he chose was Alkmene’s husband, Amphitryon, and she had twins: Herakles by Zeus and Likmnios by Amphitryon.
Zeus did the same thing with Dia, a queen in northern Greece, wife of King Ixion. Peirithoos, her son, could have been born from either union. And Queen Kalyke’s son, Endymion, was fathered either by Zeus.
Mnemosyne, the goddess of memory (and the inventor of both single words and language), was seduced by Zeus in the guise of a shepherd. They had sex for nine straight nights; after over a year passed, she gave birth to the nine Muses at once, at the foot of Mount Olympus.
Europa, a queen in Northern Africa (Phoenicia), was abducted by Zeus in the form of a white bull near the ocean. He swam away with her on his back to Crete, where they had three sons, Minos, Rhadamanthys, and Sarpedon. They were known for their fairness and became the three judges of the Underworld when they died. The Minoan civilization gets its name from its mythical founder, Minos.
Zeus took the form of a swan and raped Leda on the same night she slept with her husband King Tyndareus. She laid two eggs from which the children hatched. Leda bore Helen and Polydeuces, children of Zeus, while at the same time bearing Castor and Clytemnestra, children of her husband Tyndareus, the King of Sparta. One of the children was Helen of Troy, yep, that Helen. Now, why did her husband’s children come out as an egg too?
Zeus was in love with Hera, but she spurned his advances. So he created a thunderstorm and made himself into a cuckoo bird in distress. Hera felt pity for the bird, took it in, and held it to her breast to warm it. Zeus immediately turned back into his own form and raped her.
The cuckoo bird is so notorious for its cheating that it gave us the term for a man whose wife cheats on him, a “cuckold.” The word “cuckold” also implies that the husband is unaware of his wife’s infidelities. And he might only find out on the arrival of a baby who is obviously not his child.
And he wasn’t just into girls…
Perhaps the most famous eagle abductee is Ganymede, a prince of Troy, who was abducted to Mount Olympus to be Zeus’ lover and cupbearer. Zeus was often portrayed as the god of homosexual love and as such appears as a playmate of the other gods of love, Eros (Love) and Hymenaios (Marital Love). Plato calls him Himeros (Sexual Desire). He eventually is apotheosized into Aquarius, the Water Bearer.
Imprisoned by her father in a brass chamber (because of a prophecy that he would be killed by one of her children), Danae was seduced by Zeus in the form of a shower of gold. Their union resulted in the hero Perseus.
Danae is the descendant of another of Zeus’ victims, Io, whom he turned into a white cow so that he could avoid Hera’s suspicion. But Hera knew what was up and had Io guarded closely, then inflicted by a fly that stung her so severely that she went mad and wandered throughout Europe and Asia, eventually ending in Egypt. There Zeus restored her human form.
I hope you enjoyed this insight into Zeus. He was a naughty boy- in the extreme. It gives me pause, these myths were venerated, people loved them, but did they also think it was ok what he was doing?
Would you date Zeus?